Dear Diary
by XphiaDP
Summary: Day 0: I died today. A journal kept by a young spirit as he tries to figure out just why he was still there.
1. Author's Note

**Before you actually get to the story, I would like to go ahead and say some things as I will note be including an author's note in the story like I normally do.**

 **The format of this story is written like a journal so the chapters will range in length due to what needs to be said. Journals can range from one or two sentences to pages depending on the mood of the writer. Expect that in this.**

 **This is something new to me that I want to give a shot. I am thankful for any support, criticism, comments, etc. that I can receive.**

 **I will try to update at least once a week since the entries aren't that hard to write.**

 **Thank you for reading and I will let you get onto the story.**

 **Many thanks,**

 **Xphia.**

 **P.S.: I don't own anything.**


	2. Day 0

Day 0:

I died today. It was strange. There was no pain, no light that I wanted to move towards, no life film flashing in front of me. It was just numb and I guess that was the worst part. It should have hurt a lot more than it did.


	3. Day 1

Day 1:

I'm not entirely sure why I'm still here. The minute I died, there was a moment of darkness but then I opened my eyes somehow knowing that a day had passed. I was back on that same street with the same people passing by. This journal lay next to me with that first entry. Had I written that? It's definitely my handwriting. If I did write it, when? I don't remember… Everything's a little fuzzy.


	4. Day 2

Day 2:

The people don't see me. They don't feel me. It's like I don't even exist. I've shouted until I couldn't speak and I've shoved only to be knocked down like it was nothing. I hear things though. There's music playing and it's not coming from any of the people. The city… It's just as alive as everybody living in it. Well, everybody but me.


	5. Day 7

Day 7:

I've found that I can influence people. I've found that I can hear what's going on in people's minds if I tune into the song around them. Their thoughts are easy to change. Say a single word and a small phrase and it's like the thought was their own. They hear me say it. They just never know it was me. It's actually a little fun messing with people but it's losing it's appeal rather quickly.


	6. Day 8

Day 8:

What was my name again? I can't seem to remember…


	7. Day 10

Day 10:

Memories in death I've learned are fickle. I can't remember anything from before. I remember basic things having to do with life. Like how you have to work to earn money and that grass is green and how to do math and stuff. But I can't remember anything actually having to do with my life. Did I have friends? Probably… But who were they? I had to have had a family but all I can recall is a fuzzy image. There are no names. No details. I can't even recall how I died. Everything's faded and blurry. Maybe it's so the dead don't hurt as much.


	8. Day 14

Day 14:

Some kids came by today. They looked happy but something seemed off. They stared at the spot where I woke up before racing on ahead looking sadder than before. Maybe they had known me?


	9. Day 17

Day 17:

Flowers were placed in the area where I woke today. It was a couple. Both wore black. Their song was slow and sorrowful. The people didn't see me. They just passed, heads hanging. The woman had tears in her eyes. I didn't know them but they seemed to know me. I heard my name whispered as the flowers were placed. Yoshiya?


	10. Day 18

Day 18:

My name is Yoshiya. Yoshiya Kiryu. I like going by Joshua for some reason I can't remember. That's all that has come back thanks to that couple but it doesn't bring much to this empty life. I have a name. So what? It wasn't like anybody was going to call it anytime soon…


	11. Day 19

Day 19:

Some guys came around today. They weren't like the usual crowd that passes through. They were oddly dressed and I couldn't hear the music surrounding them. The strangest thing about them were the skeletal wings that sprouted from their backs, color so dark that it seemed to suck the light from the air. The sight sent an almost instinctive shudder through my spine and I ducked out of their line of sight even though I knew that I couldn't be seen. Something told me that they weren't the type of people I would like to deal with.


	12. Day 20

Day 20:

The guys didn't come back today which I am thankful for. It's strange. I know I'm dead but those instincts of self preservation are still there. And those instincts tell me to stay away from those guys like my non-life depended on it. Maybe they had to do with the afterlife… Were they angels? No, that couldn't be it. Angels weren't supposed to give you chills. These guys… They felt like demons.


	13. Day 32

Day 32:

Nothing has happened in this past week or so. The people with the wings haven't showed up and the humans going about their normal day hasn't changed. It's always the same people going about the same routes talking about the same things. Even messing with their minds has proved rather pointless as they always return to the routine in a matter of minutes. And that is the only way I've found I've been able to have some type of fun in this state. If you could even call it that…

People have stopped coming by the spot where I woke up too. I've gotten around one or two visitors but all they've done is looked before quickly going about their day. It kind of hurts for some reason. Like everyone's forgotten me. But can I really be hurt if I don't even know if there was anybody who really cared in the first place?

I guess it doesn't really matter though. I really just wish that something would happen for once.


	14. Day 36

Day 36:

I take that back. I don't want anything to happen. Everything could have stayed completely normal and I would have been totally fine with living that way. If I had known that this was what that wish would bring then I never would have wished it in the first place.

Those people came back. The ones with the wings. They scanned the crowd and then their eyes stopped on me. They actually _saw_ me. The first creatures to actually acknowledge my existence in over a month! It didn't make me happy though. I hadn't wanted them to see me. Now they knew I was there.

They came forward, yelling something about an escapee. I didn't know anything about that though. What escapee? When they neared, I backed away but they kept coming. I ran. I don't know why I ran but I did. Then I heard something behind me. Static. After risking a glance behind me, I only spurred myself faster.

They had summoned creatures. They looked like animals but they were much larger and they seemed to be tattooed with odd designs in sharp loud patterns. And loud they were. Unlike the people who brought them into being, these monsters had a sound. They clashed and their chaotic songs were fighting for constant power. Even the people that were alive seemed to grow annoyed as they subconsciously heard the painful tunes.

They were coming after me and I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. Fear. True, mind numbing, heart pounding, blood chilling fear. Adrenaline pumped through my system and I ran until my lungs felt like they were about to burst. Seeing a small hiding spot, tucked away between two shops, I darted inside and I'm still there, writing in order to calm myself. It's hard though. My hands are shaking.

Can someone die when they're already dead?

 _Later:_

Those creatures just ran past filling this small space with their noise. Noise… That's what I'll call them… After all, that's all you can hear when they're around.


	15. Day 37

Day 37:

I haven't gone back to that spot I've begun to call home. I'm too worried that they'll be there with their Noise and that they'll try to get to me again. I don't know what they want with me but I doubt that it could be good. I guess I'm on the run now… There has to be a way I can fight back.


	16. Day 45

Day 45:

I've been dodging those people for over a week now. They're coming around more. Probably because they know I'm here now. The Noise are with them every single time and they're clashing sounds hurt more than one would believe.

This city and the people in it all have their unique sounds and it all blends together in a kind of strange song that can only be found here. The Noise come in and everything changes. The song becomes aggravated and it doesn't return to normal until a good couple hours after the Noise has gone. It doesn't help that this song is the only thing I actually care to listen to and hear twenty-four seven. With it in this unbalanced state, it just keeps me on edge because it's the only thing I've had these days.

I don't like the Noise…


	17. Day 47

Day 47:

So they're called Reapers… Those people that keep chasing me around. I heard a couple of them shouting back and forth to one another while hiding in an old ramen shop. Reapers… Like the Grim Reaper? I suppose that's fitting considering their chasing down the soul of a dead kid. Does that mean if I go with them they'll lead me to the afterlife? Because I'm fairly sure that _this_ life is not the intended afterlife. I haven't seen any others like me after all… Anyways, back to those Reapers. They still haven't stopped about this "escapee" business. Am I the escapee? Probably. It's the only thing that I can make sense of at this point.


	18. Day 51

Day 51:

I've been observing the Reapers from my various hiding places (I think I've finally discovered the paths to take so they don't find me) and I've been trying to figure out how they summon their Noise and use their powers. They use something to focus their power, call them psyches. Most of them use small pins, an odd choice I must say. They use this pin or whatever and they can use their power. However, various pins seem to have various results. Maybe the pin just controls what type of power the person has because not all of them seem to be able to use every one. Maybe I can get my hands on one of those things… It'll be risky but I haven't found any other way to fight back yet.


	19. Day 53

Day 53:

Today's the day. With how often the Reapers have been coming around, it's become rather easy to memorize their movements and patterns. Around 11-12:30ish, they all like to split up. For lunch?

Do they even need to eat? I know I've snacked on some things I've swiped from different restaurants but that was mainly because I was bored and... I don't know. The action is so mundane, so normal. Maybe it helps me forget that I'm dead for a small moment. It's stupid. I know. I just… I don't know.

Sorry… I got off track. Anyways. Back to what I was saying earlier.

The Reapers split up and I've been able to sense a basic power level from each one. It's not like the songs of the town. No. This is more like sensing the waves of enormous power that practically rolls off of each being. It sends an instinctual fight or flight instinct through you. The more powerful the being, the more powerful the instinct.

There's a weaker one that goes and buys the same meal from the same place everyday. But he never stays and eats at the restaurant. He goes out and eats in an abandoned building far above the city. (I think he likes the view.) With all the places to hide in that building, I should be able to sneak close to him and grab one of the psyches. I won't have time to decide what I grab. I just have to grab and go. He'll be on my tail the minute I touch the thing.


	20. Day 54

Day 54:

I got one. The plan worked… Thank goodness… But now they know I'm still here. They were on high alert for the next couple hours. I hid out in the old cemetery. It's funny. The last place they look is the place where the dead are actually found. Anyways, onto the pin.

It's a telekinesis psyche and from the little time I've had with it, I can tell it's pretty weak. I've tried using it once or twice after the alert died down. The biggest thing I was able to pick up was a rock around the size of my fist from about a six meter distance. This might be helpful though. If I can lift a rock that big from that distance, then I can get something smaller from a farther distance. Maybe I can get my hands on some more pins like this. I wouldn't have to get close to the Reapers. I can just stay away and take their pins while they are off guard. It's the perfect plan.


	21. Day 67

Day 67:

It's been tough and several of my hiding places have been compromised but I've now got my hands on some better psyches. I've been training with them out in that cemetery seeing as the Reapers seem to avoid the place like the plague. Maybe it's so they don't see their final resting places or something? That is if they were even human before…

Anyways, the psyches.

They're certainly more powerful than the first one I had ever got and these will certainly help out better in a head to head fight. I've gotten a better telekinesis pin strong enough to move a car a good ways and a pin that shoots several bullets from my palm. I've got physical attacks, energy waves, columns, wires, a little bit of everything really…

I think these'll work… Once I've got enough practice with each, I'll try taking on the Noise. Once I can do that, the Reapers are next.

I'm sick of running away.


	22. Day 69

Day 69:

That didn't go according to plan at all…

It had been a relatively simple plan. Go for one of the weaker Reapers, beat him, and take his psyches. Simple, quick, and easy. Right? Wrong.

The Reaper, the one I had planned to attack, summoned the Noise. They weren't hard to beat and they didn't frighten me as much as they had in the beginning. Really all the Noise had become at this point was something of an annoyance. But there was a lot of them and that's tough to take on, weak or not. These guys had me occupied just long enough for backup to come.

The backup was that orange haired Reaper, the one that was always sucking on a lollipop that seemed to appear form nowhere. (A fact that seemed to only annoy me further for some reason.) Kariya they called him. If I remembered correctly that is. He was one of the stronger ones that I had been avoiding all this time. Just my luck that _he_ was the one to show up.

They had me beat within minutes.

They dragged me down any psyches I had and dragged me down into the sewers where there seemed to be a surprisingly nice place laid out. The floor seemed to be made of a shiny tile that I didn't really care to know. There was a bar and couches and a jukebox. Was that a foosball table? Definitely not the type of thing you would expect to see in the sewers.

I'm still there actually. They haven't let me leave (of course) but they haven't tied me up or restrained me in any way or form so I guess I should be thankful for that at least. I'm under a strict watch though. One of the more generic Reapers watch me as I sit on one of these lavish sofas writing. All while hidden in the sewers in one of the finest rooms I have ever been in.

I seriously hope someone's going to explain what the heck is going on soon. Why do they even want me?


	23. Day 70

Day 70:

I don't know when it actually happened but I somehow managed to fall asleep. How? I honestly have no idea… With that situation I felt as if I could have stayed awake forever because there was no way I was leaving myself vulnerable in front of those guys. But I ended up asleep anyways.

Only to be woken up by a glass of water to the face. Sputtering, I jolted upright to glare at the one who had decided to douse me. It was a teen, maybe four years older than me. Physically at least. He wore torn grey pants and a loose black shirt. Dusty brown hair peeked out from under a worn hat. In his hand he held a cup which once held the liquid now dripping down my face. On his face he wore an over confident smirk. I glared at him.

"Get up Motherfactor. It's time for a new Game to start," he said and I just blinked owlishly at him. _Motherfactor?_ Seriously? Who says that? He also talked about some game as if I was supposed to know what the heck that meant. So there was that too.

He seemed to mutter something under his breath ("zetta slow"? Really? It was one math thing after another.) before he grabbed my arm and tugged me to my feet. I protested of course but not just because he began dragging me somewhere against my will. His grip _hurt._ And it just got tighter as we walked.

I must have asked about this game he spoke of at some point without realizing it because he started talking about this week long game that people go through to come back to life, with several random math terms tacked in odd places. Then he started growling about some suspension or whatever but I had stopped listening.

Come back to life?


	24. Day 74

Day 74:

I found this thing next to me when I woke up earlier today… I can't seem to read any of the earlier sections. The words just blur to the point where they don't even look like words. This was the first page that I could actually read with _Day 74_ printed neatly at the top. Wonder what that means. Anyways, I felt the strange need to document what had happened today so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I woke up in the middle of the street to an odd sense of déjà vu. Looking around, I noticed busy streets, large crowds, and noise. Lots of noise. An old bouquet of flowers sat withered and crushed by my side. The place was definitely familiar. I had been here before… But when? Everything was static. Though I remembered my name. Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu. Why did I feel so thankful for just knowing that?

Completely lost to my confusion, I reacted harshly when I felt a vibration come from my pocket. After realizing the source, I managed to calm down, face definitely not tinted red with what totally was not embarrassment. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a cell phone that I know for a fact (Despite the holes in my memories) was not there yesterday. I checked the message written there.

 _Reach 104. You have 60 minutes. Fail and face erasure. – The Reapers_

Odd. The words "The Reapers" stuck with me and I felt a surge of annoyance and anger that I didn't understand along with a sense of determination. That was quickly cut off by a sharp stinging in my right hand. I brought it up to see what had caused my pain only to see a blood red 60:00 and it counting down slowly. The time limit…

Everything else happened a little too quickly for me to be able to accurately explain what had happened. Creatures showed up from nowhere and began chasing me. Instincts I didn't know I had kicked in and I ran before they could even come close. The word "Noise" popped into my head but I dismissed it rather quickly. Now was not the time to be worrying about some noise.

I eventually got to a statue of a dog and I allowed myself a small break. I had seemed to have lost them. However, before I could properly get ahold of my breath, the creatures were back and this time I had no where to run.

All of a sudden, this kid was racing towards me, creatures chasing after him as well. He held out his hand yelling something about this pact. I didn't know what a pact was but I took his had. Probably about the best decision I had had all day.

The minute our hands linked, a flash of blinding while light erupted from the clasped palms. A surge of power flowed through me that was completely foreign yet more familiar to me than my own skin. It was hot to the point of boiling yet I had goosebumps from the chills it sent across my skin. Somehow, I knew we could fight now.

We turned to the hordes of creatures coming our way and I pulled a pin from my pocket. From there, everything happened without me really thinking about it. I seemed to activate the strange power that was in the pin and fought against the frog-like things that just kept coming and coming. It didn't occur to me that I couldn't see the kid while battling.

Once everything was handled, the boy grabbed my wrist and began dragging me away saying something about getting to 104 on time. I had no complaints. Something about that message and the ominous timer inscribed on my hand just made me want to do what it said so it would all go away and stop. The boy introduced himself on the way there. Ryota, he said. And that was that.

We reached the shopping center with little problems. Briefly there was a wall that blocked our way but it was dismissed by a strange guy in a hoodie that seemed to look at me strangely. No idea why though. Anyways, when we finally reached 104, the timer disappeared from our hands and we couldn't help but let out a breath of relief. Now that we didn't have a time limit over our heads, I took the opportunity to ask Ryota about our current situation.

He explained it rather simply. We were dead and we had given up our most prized possession in order to compete in a week long game. When I had inquired about why we would do such a thing somehow not surprised about the fact that I was dead, he told me that we got to come back to life if we won.

It's all so strange really. None of this seems surprising to me in the least but my younger companion had told me of how freaked out he was when he had first woken up on the pavement. I just felt calm and determined. Like I was going to make sure I won this. I almost felt that I had some sort of advantage here… None of it makes sense really.

I guess all that's left to do is to sit and wait for the next day. I wonder if we fall asleep like normal or do we just pass out. I have no cl


	25. Day 75

Day 75:

Clue. I was going to write clue. I suppose we do just pass out no matter what we are doing. Well that's just lovely.

Ryota still hasn't woken up and I suppose I should try describing my current partner in here. He's younger than me by maybe a year or two. (It would help if I knew my own age really.) He looks thirteen at least. His black messy hair just barely reached the back of his neck. He has deep brown eyes and kind of pale skin. I don't think he got out too much when he was alive. No idea why and I don't really care to ask. His clothes are fairly basic. A simple t-shirt and jeans along with some worn sneakers. He looked like your basic kid really.

The mission hasn't arrived yet and I probably won't have time to write until we complete it. I'll try to get the details down before we're forced to sleep until the next day. Ryota's beginning to wake up. I guess it's time for me to stop writing for now.

 _Later:_

Well… That didn't exactly as planned.

The mission was a rather confusing one and it had both me and Ryota tripping over ourselves as we tried to figure out what it meant. The message: _Appease the sound at Pork City. You have 420 minutes. Fail and face erasure. – The Reapers._ We hissed at the sudden pain in our right hand. The timer had appeared.

Ryota and I looked around the area we had been dropped in and found it was the same area that we had began in. That overly crowded intersection. Ryota suggested going to Pork City (some place I had never heard of, though that was barely surprising). Without any other leads, it was really our only options.

That was easier said than done as we came across several hordes of Noise on the way there that attacked relentlessly. They were fairly weak though. Or maybe I was just strong. Honestly, it was most likely the latter. I also discovered something rather interesting about my partner. He fought with a phone. Don't ask me how that worked. It just did. Apparently, that was his psyche. When I asked, he seemed just as confused as me.

Anyways, I'm getting off track.

On top off all the Noise that we kept running into, there were barriers blocking most of the streets slowing our progress even more. The Reapers manning these blockades sent us on side missions in order to get the wall cleared. (The worst was probably having to dress in that rising brand that was almost disgustingly girly. Natural Puppy was it? The only joy I got out of that was seeing Ryota blush red from head to toe from embarrassment. I got a picture.)

When we finally arrived at Pork City, we slowly strode through the doors waiting for an attack of some sort yet none came. It was completely peaceful. And quiet. Which was extremely unnerving when you were supposed to be appeasing some "sound" that was probably a bunch of Noise. That was not a happy prospect.

We found the elevators and headed up to the highest floor. Much to our confusion, the door opened at the next floor.

And there we saw it. It was a Noise obviously but none like we had seen. It was huge! To the point that it's head scraped the ceiling. It looked to be a wolf but not like any that we had fought before. It's claws were probably the length of a car and the fangs could be telephone poles. The appearance caused Ryota to back up a few steps and me to stop breathing for a few seconds.

We braced ourselves and scanned the beast, engaging it in battle. Instead of being pulled apart into these separate planes like usual, we remained side by side. It completely threw us off and we definitely were not ready when the wolf charged in our direction. We braced at last second, unable to pull off an attack.

Only to have a large pole dropped in front of us.

We blinked at the object confused as the Noise moved to sit on its haunches and stare at us expectantly. We just stared back. After a moment, the wolf seemed to whine slightly as it nudged the pole towards us. Ryota seemed to piece it together with an exclamation of "You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

I realized a few moments later.

This Noise, a creature of negativity and a pain in our backsides, wanted us to play _fetch_. Fetch! Like a common pet!

And so we did, using telekinesis to lift and throw the "stick." After a good ten minutes, the creature seemed to nod to us before fizzling out of existence. Ryota and I exchanged looks before heading back to the elevator. The timer hadn't disappeared. There was still more. Ugh.

That was how it went. We went up floor by floor playing various games with the Noise (never thought I'd say that in my life. Or afterlife really.) or we were sent to go get small items like food or an accessory. What a frog would want with a sundress I will never know.

After another five or so Noise, the timer disappeared and a wave of relief fell over us. That unnatural experience was finally over. We collapsed against a nearby wall and there we remained. Those tasks, though simple, were just draining.

I've learned some things about my partner through these simple tasks we were forced to finish. Ryota is an incredibly optimistic person. The boy almost always had a smile on his face during that and he cracked jokes often no matter how awful they were. And trust me, there were some terrible ones in there. He also had a habit of humming under his breath that I can see becoming rather annoying in the future. Ryota's also extremely talkative and I just find myself listening happily to whatever spouted from his mouth. It just felt so _nice_ to have someone to talk to and to listen to. Why? No idea.

On the way to go get that previously mentioned sundress, I found out another thing about my dear partner. I found out his entry fee. He spoke of how he had a fear of being forgotten and at some point in his life, the memories that people had of him became his most prized possession. And that was what was taken away. It would be like he never existed. His friends, his family, anybody that he had interacted with would forget everything about that overly cheerful boy. My loss of memories seemed petty in comparison to that.

Well Ryota, whatever happens, I promise that I'll remember you. You can count on that.


	26. Day 76

Day 76:

I'd forgotten what true sadness was… That heart wrenching pain that makes it feel like the very air that you're breathing is slowly suffocating you. The pain that almost convinces you that you're alive again. I thought that I had known the pain of dying. After all I am already dead. But I don't think that I knew the pain of losing someone. That was an entirely new experience.

Ryota died today. He was erased. And it was all my fault.


	27. Day 77

Day 77:

The mission's already come in today but I can't bring myself to care. I haven't even opened the text. I've just been staring blankly at the ceiling while the smell of coffee slowly drives me to the brink of insanity. I had to do something so here I am writing. Maybe it will help dull the pain…

I guess I should probably write what happened… For future reference or something. Besides, it's not like there will be much to report on today. I don't really plan from moving from this spot anytime soon.

The day started with the normal routine. Wake up in some random location and wait for the mission to come in. Ryota explained that we were in some performance center and from the look on his face and the way he talked. It seemed that he had visited the place a bit. I wasn't really paying attention though… Now I really wish I was.

The mission came in. Something about helping some upcoming star get public notice. I can't really bring myself to actually go and look. Ryota flipped when he learned who it was. Some girl going by the stage name Hype. It seemed he had been a fan before he had died. He wouldn't stop talking about her as we tried to get a clue on where to start. I teased him about a celebrity crush. He hit me for even making the comment.

Around thirty minutes later we found her. This "Hype"… She was certainly dressed the part. Unnatural purple hair was styled into an intricate ponytail that seemed both rebellious and elegant at the same time. An odd but definitely appealing style if I must say so.

Sorry, getting off topic. I think I'm just avoiding getting to the part where it actually hurts… It's much easier to focus on smaller less important details than to actually move forward with the story…

Anyways, Hype. She wore ripped skinny jeans, boots, and a black button up jacket. Beneath I could see a flash of green, probably her shirt or something. She was frustrated, foot tapping impatiently on the floor as she watched a tech work with the computer system. A few seconds later, there was a couple broken sounds from the speakers. Technical issue.

We offered our help and the girl perked up quickly. Ryota looked like he was going to faint with happiness. I poked a little fun telling Hype about his little fan crush and he turned a bright red. She only laughed and offered to sign an autograph which he readily took. Without paper, she signed the sleeve of his shirt. As he marveled at this turn of events, she told us the problem. It was just some computer problems that could be fixed with the right person handling it. We just needed to find a technician to come and help that way the sound system would be ready for the _concert at 7 that night_. Cue meme.

And so we set out searching for this person to help. We found the guy hanging out at an old ramen shop. Well, I found him. Ryota was somewhere on cloud nine. With a bit of convincing through the steady drop of memes, we got him over to Hype to help. She practically tackled us in thankfulness and offered us free admission into the show tonight. We accepted of course. It wasn't really part of the mission but hey, free tickets.

From there came the actual trouble of the mission. The show was underway but so far there was no one to come. That's where we came in. We went around spreading the word through the mental dropping of hints curtesy of the meme. Occasionally there was an attack from the Noise but it was never anything too rough. Then _it_ happened.

I should have known it was too easy. I should have known something was going to happen. I should have known…

There was a Noise battle. We were overwhelmed. Every time we took something out there was another creature to replace it. We were tiring quickly and there was nothing we could do. Our health was dropping low. I could tell. I could feel it. Ryota had spoken of the connected back on the first day. This was the first time it was really obvious. He was suffering more than I was. I had more experience with these creatures than him. How I did I know that? I have no idea.

Eventually we had gotten it down to the last Noise. Completely wiped out, we both faced this this one particularly annoying wolf Noise. I had the puck. I was doing the more damage. It was time to finish this. I saw the creature lunge and I moved to attack before I just heard a scream rip through my mind. Ryota. It had gotten him. I felt his presence slip and our connection seemed to sever. A few feet away I saw his orange flip phone fall to the ground.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what had happened next. All of a sudden the Noise was gone (Did I do that?) and there was some new person grabbing both me and the phone. He dragged me to this coffee shop yelling something about seven minutes. I didn't care. I think I was in shock about it all. I probably still am…

From there, he did some things while I wasn't paying attention. Something about tying Ryota's soul to his psyche. That phone is the only reason I wasn't erased after he had gone. But that didn't seem to matter. If I had only attacked a few seconds earlier, I wouldn't even need that phone. I would have him.


	28. Day 78

Day 78:

So this coffee obsessed person that saved me is named Sanae Hanekoma. From what I understand he runs this café and he knows a little too much about the Game for an average human. He saved me after all by tying Ryota to his psyche… (I'm not entirely sure how he did that either… He won't answer any of my questions.) Not to mention I'm fairly sure he saw the entire thing happen which should be impossible due to the whole "plane" thing or whatever… So this means he's a Reaper, Player, or something I haven't encountered. He doesn't give off the Reaper aura and I don't see a player pin so that crosses off those two options. That means he's something else… In other words, I'm not really sure I can trust him.

After all that's happened so far, I'm not so sure I really want to trust him either. If he saved me, then he could have saved Ryota too right? Right? So I can't trust him. I need to get out of here. I need to... I need to… Ugh. I can't think straight…

I'm beginning to get restless. The numbness has faded somewhat into a sort of anxiousness. I've got to _do_ something. I want to go out there and fight. I want to go and win this. Less so for me and more for my partner. For Ryota. He was more motivated to win this thing than I ever was and if there's anything I can do now I can at least bring him to the end with me. That makes sense right? Honestly I don't even know myself.

The mission hasn't come in yet though which is a little odd because I've been up for a couple hours now. Maybe they're just la-

Never mind. It just came in.

….I really need to find a pencil to start writing these things. Anyways.

 _Promote the Gothic Lolita. You have 252 minutes. Fail and face erasure. – The Reapers_

252 minutes? Odd number… But the mission seems fairly straightforward. The "Gothic Lolita" has to be that weird dark brand. What did Ryota call it? Lapis Angelsomethingorother? Easy mission, restless nerves, seems like the perfect reason to get out of this place and away from this Hanekoma person.

 _Later:_

That was a lot harder than I thought it would be…

To begin with, I can see why Noise are supposed to be fought with a partner. I never really realized how much damage Ryota had been doing to them until I had to fight without him. It's like they were dealing twice the damage and taking twice as long to defeat but I guess that makes sense all things considered…

Technically, I shouldn't even be able to battle the Noise without him but I'm pretty sure I figured out the way to get around that. When I tried fighting in the beginning, my pins were doing no damage. None whatsoever. I have no idea how many battles I had to run from because of that. It was only when I had the crazy idea to try out Ryota's phone that I started making any sort of progress. You need your partner and he was tied to his psyche. Geez… The kid's still helping me out even after I had let him down…

So on top of the new psyche (That took some work to get used to) and not having my partner with me, I'm also having trouble focusing in any of the battles. It's understandable but there are parts that don't really make sense to be. For example, there's this crushing sense of loneliness. He was my friend and the only other person I knew in this game but to feel it to this extent is weird. I only knew him for a couple of days after all. It feels almost as if he was the only friend I had ever had. It's not like I would know due to my loss of memories but there had to be someone else there right? My friends couldn't consist of only Ryota right? If he was the only one then how long have I been alone? Is there anybody out there that I actually have to call friends or family? Or is it only me?

I don't really want to think about it…

To get back on track, I managed to complete the mission but it completely wiped me out. I'm more tired than I've ever been. It doesn't help that Hanekoma managed to find me and drag me back to WildCat, lecturing me the entire way there. The guy seems to mean well if what he's yelling at me can account for anything. He also explained a bit about himself though not enough for me to fully know anything about him. It was enough to get me to see that the guy wasn't all bad though…

I must have mentioned something about Ryota and his entry fee at some point because the conversation shifted rather abruptly. Ryota lost. I can deny that fact all I want but the truth his he was erased and he lost. And his entry fee disappeared with him. None one will even know my partner existed. Once it's all over, _I_ remember him or will my memories be taken along with everybody else's? I really hope not. These memories are all I have right now.

I asked about my own entry fee. Why my memories? There had to be something else that was more important to me. Hanekoma merely gave a sad chuckle as he placed a coffee in front of me. The words he spoke next confused me but I knew them to be true without even having to think of it.

"Josh, your memories were all you had."


	29. Day 79

Day 79:

Well, Hanekoma has agreed to let me out on missions. There's only two more days left after all… He said since he knew he couldn't stop me he might as well give me a fighting chance. Basically, he's tinkering with Ryota's cell phone to make it easier for me to use. Keeps mumbling about how I shouldn't be able to use someone else's psyche. I've been able to do a lot of things that most people can't do and I have no idea why.

Honestly this no memories thing is still messing with me. What did Hanekoma mean when he said that my memories were the only thing I had? It makes no sense. I'm a person, right? I should have something more than my memories. I should have a family. Friends! A pet maybe? A reputation? An object? Something! There had to be something more to me than my memories!

Right?

I'm almost scared… Scared of my second chance. If my memories are all I have, what's waiting for me if I go back? Is there nothing? Am I a nothing with nobody to turn to? Am I alone? I don't want to be alone… I don't like being alone. It's too quiet. Too mind numbing. Too cold. Too boring. Too repetitive. Too… Too…

How do I know this? How being so alone feels like?

So it's true then. My memories are really all I have… There's nothing for me back in life…

Hanekoma's coming out of the back with Ryota's phone. I'll be back later.

 _Later:_

Mission mail came in while he was working on the phone yet there doesn't seem to be a time limit. I would have known. A timer being engraved into your hand isn't something you can miss. It's something easy, basically just eliminating some rogue Noise. Odd for such an easy quest on the second to last day. Something big is up. Hanekoma warned against going against them alone.

I'll let the other Players take care of it for now. Hanekoma's filled me in on the fact that if one pair completes the task, everybody passes, so I'm just going to sit back on this one. After all, Ryota and I were the ones completing all the others. Besides, there's no time limit.

I'll just go practice with the upgraded phone. I have a promise to keep… The phone reminded me of that. So I can't just back out. Not when I've already let him down.

I just noticed the picture saved on the phone. It's one of Ryota, Hype, and me. I had forgotten he asked for a picture with her. He's flashing this stupid peace sign on the left. Hype's in the middle, arms draped over our shoulders. I'm on the right just smiling. One of Hype's bandmates had taken it. That was the day that I failed him…

I'll win. I'll win for Ryota.


	30. Day 80

Day 80:

Last day. Here goes everything. The mission seemed pretty straight forward. _Defeat the Game Master._ This is bound to be interesting.

Hanekoma's given me a heads up. Apparently the Reapers are allowed to attack any surviving players today which means I'm definitely going to have to keep an eye on my back. Everything is on the line today and I can't let some basic reaper stop me from winning this game. I've got to do this. For Ryota. And to hopefully prove myself wrong on not having anything left.

I can't really afford to waste any more time. Let's go.

 _Later:_

Um… Out of all the things I expected, this result was definitely not what I thought it would be.

I won. I survived. But I also had the help of one last surviving pair of players. They were shocked to see a single player to say the least. The GM's name was Tezuka Ino and she was not at all what I thought she would be like. She seemed more worried about breaking a nail fighting us rather than us defeating her and winning the game. She practically surrendered the minute we dared threaten her with a couple of psyches. And as weird as that is to have a GM who didn't fight, that honestly wasn't the weirdest thing that had happened.

It was afterwards when the Conductor appeared to give us our rewards.

The pair of players were quickly sent off to their old lives. That was an amazing sight. Both of them being slowly lifted into the air while some imaginary wind rustled their hair and clothes. They almost seemed to glow for a while before it became very obvious that they were. They glowed brighter and brighter until it was painful to look at them. I glanced away and they were gone. Back to their world of the living.

The Conductor turned to face me with what seemed to be a sort of scowl on his face, as if I was a problem that he did not want to deal with.

"So!" he had said with a clap of his hands. I'm sure he was in the 'the sooner I do this, the sooner it's over' type of mindset. "First thing's first is your entry fee. You can have that back now."

Without realizing what was going on, an excruciating pain filled my head as the memories began flooding back into my brain. It all happened too quickly and too suddenly for it to be an easy process. It hurt. A lot. And that's when the answer to my question was revealed.

I really didn't have anything from my life before because even then, I was still dead. I literally have nothing and I don't know what my life was like before that. All my memories were gone and I knew it wasn't because of this stupid game. I had wondered if I would remember when they brought me back to life. My hopes were dashed in an instant.

"We can't bring you back to life by the way. You've been dead for too long Mr. Yoshiya Kiryu. 80 days now if your journal is to be trusted."

And with that, everything crumpled. I wouldn't be brought back. I was shoved into this stupid game for no reason other than to suffer some more. Were they going to erase me now even though I had won? I had no idea. At this point, I wasn't sure I cared. I had won for Ryota and now I had nothing left.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to happen next but the proposition was not that. After Ryota got erased, I was expected to be out of the game. I would last until the end but that would be it. I wouldn't complete any more missions and in the end I would be erased for not gaining enough points. But that didn't happen. I was able to fight. I continued the game. I could complete it without a partner.

And that made me special.

I was given the offer to become an angel (or a reaper but no. Just no.). I had caught the "higher ups" eye and now they wanted me to be an angel. How could this happen? I'm not angel material. Definitely not. But I don't want to be a reaper and that's my only other choice besides erasure. I don't know. I don't know I don't know I don't know.

They've given me a day to decide.

We'll see what happens.


	31. Day 81

Day 81:

I said yes. There wasn't much of a choice. Erasure? I would have been an idiot to choose that. I may already be dead but I still want to exist. Become a reaper? Not happening. I wasn't going to become one of those people who seem to enjoy killing players for fun. The thought just sends shudders down my spine. Killing someone period sets me on edge. Becoming an angel was the only other option I had left.

So I'm an angel now.

And it really doesn't feel that different. Sure, the wings are cool and I can make them disappear and reappear as I see fit but that's the only big difference that I've noticed. There's no surge of power or some amazing revelation from some sort of god. There's just wings and a series of orders and rules that I now have to abide by.

Not exactly what I thought it would be angel would be like…

Turns out Hanekoma is an angel too. I guess my hunch was right about him. He certainly was not something I had encountered before. He showed me the ropes of being an angel and was the one that gave me my new position as the Composer.

Don't ask me why they are giving that position to a newborn angel when there are those who are obviously more qualified for this job but oh well. I guess that previous Composer really upset them by hiring that last GM. They had us participate in some type of duel. Classic style. Pistols, paces, turn, fire. You didn't have to kill (thank goodness) you just had to land a mark. I hit his arm and took his position.

So now I'm the Composer over that death game. Hanekoma was assigned as my Producer. I'm not entirely sure why they didn't just put him in charge since he's practically going to run this until I can figure out what's going on.

It's all so weird…

My entire world has been shaken and flipped upside down.


	32. Day 107

Day 107:

Well. I think I've maybe sort of kinda got this whole angel thing down. It's super weird though almost annoying. I didn't think an angel would have so many rules they have to follow and because I'm the Composer of the Reaper's Game, there are even more things I have to be aware of. It was really overwhelming for the first week or so…

But finally I may have gotten a grasp on it all. At least, I don't have to go to Hanekoma about everything all the time and he isn't coming to me telling me I broke some obscure rule that doesn't make any sense. That has to mean something right? I honestly don't know.

But besides all the rules and stuff, I've found some of the perks to this entire situation I was forced into. Those Reapers, the ones that chased me around calling me an "escapee" or whatever back when I first died, are now below me in rank. I'm their superior and boy, have I been taking advantage of that. They have to follow my orders though Sho, the one that poured water on my face shortly before the Game began, doesn't seem to like this very much. He complains and often skips out on duty. I'll have to keep an eye on him… Besides that, it's been fun sending them on mindless missions or pointless tasks.

I promise that I won't keep doing this as time passes.

Maybe.

It's really strange though. I woke up on a street 107 days ago with no idea of what was happening and now I'm an angel. That's a huge turn of events. Heck, even just winning the Game and having this as my reward! Ryota would have gotten a kick out of this!

Wait… What?

Why did I write that?

Who's Ryota?


	33. Day 109

Day 109:

Ryota… So I've looked back through my entries because I know that name… But I don't at the same town. It's fuzzy. And I thought I had finally gotten over this gap of memories fuzzy feeling. Honestly. I sick of forgetting things. It happened after I first woke up, upon entering the Game, and it's happening all over again. You would think these people would get bored with messing with my mind.

Anyways. Getting off track again. Deep breath… And we are good.

Ryota.

As I was saying, I've been looking through my past entries and after reading that first entry into the Game it came rushing back. Ryota… I forgot Ryota... I feel so stupid! My partner. My friend. The only person who I was actually able to talk to after so long of being alone. Even after I promised not to forget him! But even as I sit here writing, the memories that I rediscovered are fading. Does his entry fee apply to me too? It seems dumb but… I wouldn't put it past these Reapers to come up with something as tricky as this.

I looked through my _his_ phone and found a picture. He must have taken it during the game while I wasn't paying attention. I'm eating at what I think is Sunshine Station and he's making some goofy face into the camera while my attention is directed elsewhere. It's the only picture I was able to find with him in it… So I set it as the wallpaper of the phone. Hopefully that will help me from completely forgetting he exists.

Hopefully…


	34. Day 113

Day 113:

And thus a new game begins…

It was unnerving having to visit all those people and give them the Player Pin. Dropping such a small insignificant object on their motionless bodies that sends their spirit into that insane game… It sends a shiver down my spine. Makes me wonder how they did that to me when I didn't even have a body to be found. Do I even have a grave? I've never found it if I do… Where would it be? Or was I cremated or something like that? I just… want to know. All these abilities and powers and I am no more knowledgeable about who I am than I did when I woke up. It isn't fair.

Anyways… I'm getting off track. But that's what I'm good at I suppose because of just how often I do it. Moving on.

A new game begins tomorrow meaning I had to choose a GM. Just a lovely part of this job as Shibuya's composer. I wonder if there's other games out there in other major cities of the world. Probably. But the GM!

Well, I didn't really have a clue as to what to do with this. I don't really know what to look for or who would make a worthy candidate so I went to Mr. H. Hanekoma helped me pick a guy named Megumi. He's a little odd to me but he seems more stable than Sho so that's definitely a plus in my book. We'll just have to see how he does this following week.

It's really weird to be leading all this. Just a short while ago I was one of the victims of this horror situation and here I am trying to figure out the person to orchestrate the next set. I hate this. I hate it so much. I hated that game. I hatted being in it. I hated the things it did and the missions and the complex riddles. I hated everything about it and I hated that it took Ryota.

But here I am… leading it all.

I almost hate myself for this. It's a sort of gut wrenching feeling when the guilt hits and I just wish that I had taken the erasure over this job. Then I wouldn't be forcing people to fight in this dumb game as they scramble around fruitlessly trying for another chance at life. I know that exact feeling and it's a terrible hopefulness. Only me and that one other pair made it to the end during my game. I don't even know their names… I hope they're living well in their lives now. Do they remember it all? I hope not. They don't need a reminder of this hell that is now my everyday reality.

I just don't want tomorrow to come because then it all begins again and I'm only a spectator this go around and hopefully I'll only remain a spectator. As terrible as that sounds. I hate the fact that I am now in charge of all this but I'm also relieved that I won't have to do it again. I've done my time and I've reaped my rewards. I don't have to go through any of this again and if there's a bright side to this whole angel and composer business, it would be that. It's not much but it's the only thing keeping me sane at this moment so I'll hold to it.

What would Ryota thing? I'm leading the thing that led to his death. Well not his physical death but still… I wonder how he died, where he's buried… Maybe I can at least find that out but then again I haven't had much luck with my own information so that hope might just be as fruitless as the last. It can't hurt looking through. I can search during the game. It will keep my mind off of what's happening. Yeah… I'll do that… Don't know how successful it's going to be but it's something…

This is hopeless. I can't do anything.

Being Composer sucks. Being an angel sucks. Not being alive sucks. Not being able to do anything sucks. This all just sucks.

I'm pitiful aren't I? Huddled away in a hidden corner of Dead God's Pad so the Reapers won't catch me writing in this. I don't want them finding this journal and figuring out every little thing that I think and all that I know about myself. That would end terribly. Most of them already hate me because I went from pitiful player to their boss so having this in their hands would probably end with my erasure. As much as I hate my non-life right now, I would rather keep it.

Being a little contradictory right now aren't I? I wish for erasure at the same time that I wish to keep living as much as I can in this state. But I guess that's how being human works. At times you seek death and accept its coming, yet no one really wants to go.

That's a good thing to know I suppose. To know that even though I'm an angel, I'm still human. Or at least I still act and think that way. I've met other angels and besides Hanekoma, they all hold that sort of godly "I'm better than you" aura and it gets on my nerves. Most of them are fairly snooty too and I'm pretty sure most of them don't agree with me suddenly coming into power just as much as the Reapers do. So there's that too.

I hear talking outside of the door. I've gotta go.


	35. Day 114

Day 114:

The game started today.

I shouldn't have gone out to the city today. I shouldn't have… It was horrible. So so horrible.

I wanted to find out more about Ryota but no. No no no no no.

Gosh my hands are shaking. I can't even write straight.

It was panic out there. Panic amongst the bustle of the RG. New players were screaming, chased by the Noise. Many were caught. Only a few even managed to make a pact…

There was a kid. He couldn't have been older than seven. He couldn't outrun the Noise. He was erased crying for his parents.

I'm stuck in Hell. I'm an angel but there's no way this could ever be something even close to the paradise they spoke about in stories and in scripture. This is Hell and I'm in charge of it.

I want out. Oh my gosh I want out.

I can't do this.

I can't.

I won't!

They can't make me.

So why am I still so scared to try?


	36. Day 116

Day 116:

I went out today out of a need to get away from the reapers and Hanekoma's almost sympathizing stares than a need to see how the Game was progressing. I didn't need to know that. I didn't want to know that. Despite this, I know it isn't going well from the satisfied looks I've been getting from the reapers.

I took solace in my old hideaway. The cemetery hadn't changed much except the newer graves that dotted the sight. That was to be expected really but as I wandered through these new stones, I froze.

Ryota. I found Ryota.

Tripped over him would probably be a better choice of words. I stumbled into his gravestone while lost in thought.

Ryota Takazumi.

The grave's relatively new compared to everything else. Only a little more than a month old and the basic timeline matches up with what I have written in here. The flowers have died though and the vase holding them has been toppled and broken… No one has been here since shortly after his burial. No one remembers it…

Ryota doesn't deserve this. He never deserved any of this.

 _Later:_

I went out and bought a new vase and some flowers. The lady in the shop gave me a sympathizing look when I bought a group of purple hyacinth and asked if I had angered a girlfriend. I only shook my head and paid. I caught sight of Hype's new album as I walked out. I bought that too.

I brought them back to the grave and cleaned up the area. I spilled everything that had happened since he was gone. It felt… right to get all that off my chest. He deserved to know and if there was life after erasure, I hoped he could understand. Though I wouldn't blame him for being mad or disappointed… I would be too.

I'm sorry Ryota. I should have been able to save you…


	37. Day 119

Day 119:

Have I ever mentioned how _weird_ it is that I have to breathe? I'm dead right? Being an angel doesn't change that fact. If anything, it enforces it. So why do I have to breathe? It's just something that has been bothering me recently as I've traveled to the RG these past couple days. The air there is just so much more crisp and clean (even if it is an overcrowded city) and so much more _alive_ than in the UG that it's almost disorienting when crossing over. I don't belong in that pane of reality… but I can't find it in myself to stay away.

But there really isn't any reason to explain why I've been escaping into the RG as of late. The Game is still going on. Tomorrow is the last day and I'm not even sure if there will be players that even make it to that point. I don't want to see the Reapers nor do I want to see the players' panic as they go about today's mission whatever the heck it is. There's also Ryota. I've been trying to find out a little more about him but that's hard. No one remembers him after all…

I think I found his family or at least a group that looks like him. They've been frustrated about something and the tensions seem high. I know all too well what's causing it. They don't remember Ryota, their son, brother, and friend. They have no idea who he is. But the evidence of him is still there. Pictures, documents, his room. It's all there. I realized it after I found his gravestone.

It's going as well as you'd think for them. It's tearing them apart and they don't even know why. They'll never know why. I sneaked into their house one day (one of the perks of technically being a ghost here) and found that they were an average family. Middle class, happy. Ryota played soccer in school. There were a few medals and a trophy or two to showcase his talent. A few drawings were pinned up done by a younger sibling and a family photo showed a group of five: mother, father, older sister, younger brother, and Ryota. Something tugged painfully in my heart but I ignored it and moved on. Those feelings have grown constant since I started observing the Takazumis. I don't have the slightest clue why.

I stopped in his room. It was an absolute mess. Things were ripped from the closet and drawers. The covers were thrown off the bed and the books were tossed off shelves. The posters and CD's were torn and broken. The family's search… They had tried to figure out who this person was to them.

Something had to be done about this… They were suffering and confused and they could never know why. It's not allowed. His entry fee is lost for good.

I can fix this though. I can make their pain stop. I can end the confusion. I can keep them from falling apart. But… I don't want to. I don't know if I can. Sure, I have the power but that's not the problem. It's going to be letting go.

Ryota's already died and been erased. I don't want to even think of having to make him disappear entirely.


End file.
